Lets talk about Halloween...
It kinda sucks these days ...There I said it .... and you know what ?
Im not sorry.
Not even a little bit.
I used to LOVE halloween when I was a kid, that was before it was utterly ruined by todays rules. Being all of 27 years old im not talking the days of yester-year here either . It wasnt all that long ago that I was dressed up and knocking on peoples doors. But it seems like there has been an influx of STUPID rules and opinions surrounding this holiday that make it a lack luster experience even for nuro-typicl children..
But when you throw a special needs child into the mix . The holiday can go from a marginally fun day to 'F*#! my life' pretty fast .
Generally speaking I love holidays. A lot of the time there is a great outlet for sensory stimulation, a lot of chances to get sophia out and involved in something different. Christams being my favorite. Every store is like a sensory wounderland for sophia. Soft music bright sparkeling lights , great smells. But halloween is like our anti-christmas. (quite literally I know) but I mean in terms of attitude and general approch.
I know some of you may still be confused. So let me break it down for you more specifically. Heres my top 5 reasons why I firmly belive halloween sucks. Especailly for families with a specail needs member.
1: Other rude/insensitive parents.
Everyones a critic theese days. Everyone has thier own thoughts and feeling about what is and isn't approprite for not only their kid but yours too!
It wouldnt be so bad if they knew how to keep thier pushy opinions to themselves. I say to someone " im not taking her out" and they all immediatly jump in with ten reasons I should take her with no regaurd to the way it will make SOPHIA feel to be out there . I already have enough anxiety about this I certainly don't need ten reasons why im depriving my kid of the experience of freezing her tush off. ( we live in the north east ).
So just a news flash: If someones idea of celebrating is different then yours its not wrong.
2: Costumes
You hear that ? Yeah, thats the collective laughter of all the parents with children who have Sesnory Processing Disorder. They are all laughing right now to keep from crying. Costumes SUCK most of all. For kids with SPD they are like sand paper suits .They are all made of tissue thin scratchy fabric surrounded by even itchyier tule. MOst days I feel like im winning if sophias regular outfit actually fits her comfortablly. She hates layers, hates feeling restricted. Did I mention we live in the north east ? Can you say "cooooold october evenings"
last year halloween was cancled in our state because of a blizzard. No joke.
So between her thin frame , hatred of jackets or layers in general and her SPD issues i'd say costumes are just about my favorite REDICULOUS WASTE OF MONEY. Generally shes hates wearing it for the two hours I can get her to collectively endure it. Then i'll hang it up and look at it begrudgingly for the next 5 years just so i can feel like i got my moneys worth. STUPID costumes.
3. it turns into a parade of stares and awkward encouters
I'll save the long winded explination here : 99% of my neighbours have NO IDEA whats going on with sophia. Taking her out in her pink wheelchair on a chilly bright afternoon (because we cant trick or treat after dark anymore around here) is like taking her on a tour of pointlessness. I will always love and embrace my child fully. But lets be honest here ... she doesnt chew, has NEVER had a piece of candy in her life and cant talk. Trick or treeeeeat says mom fifty times to basically beg for some bite size candy bars that I really dont need to add to MY waist line. so fun right..... ? Nope. No thank you . I can go to cvs and only have to have one forced conversation to get 50 bite sized bars of my choosing. ;)
4.Front Steps
How many houses in your neighbourhood are wheelchair accessable? yeah, basically none right ? Mine too. Lets just say that i was going to force sophia to endure being layered and packed into an overpriced costume and I set off to wheel her around the neighbourhood to collect candy she cant eat . I get up to the first door, park her at the bottom of the stairs ,then me or her father go knock , smile, and say trick or treat like is customary...
first the confused looks, ' why is an adult trick-or-treating? '
then they would see sophia parked at the bottom and one of two things happens ..
they go down and try to interact : she ignores them or freaks out from overstimulation.
they ignore her and i feel pressured to provide an explination as to why i am speaking for my child. Either way i get a look of pity and shrink away the the next house and repeat this process times 30 some odd houses... while avoiding running over tails and capes and other small children passing on the walkway..no thank you . ill pass.
5. Basically Its a holiday designed to exclude my child.
I'm sure this wasnt intentional , but its just the plain simple truth.
Its a holdiay designed for typical children or at the very least children with substantial oral motor skills andattention spans. Noone hands out small toys, noone hands out blankets, noone hands out bracelettes or ANYTHING that could be used by sophia. I have to force her into an outfit she hates to endure a climate thats very uncomfortable for her so that she can be parked on the walkways and stared at by well meaning nighbours who are too afraid to ask anything. Thats the part that gets me , if people asked. Attempted to understand , then MAYBE id endure it for the sake of educating our community. Also she has yet to warm up to any of my favorite childhood halowwen movies. Someday if sophia ever tollerates stangers or tule then maybe we will hit the trick or treat circut . But not until. I dont belive in subjecting her to things because its what society expects us to do.
Honestly i'm not deeply hurt by any of this . I was upset the first halloween we had as a family. Every one after that has gotten easier. I wish so much that sophia wanted to dress up as her favorite charecter and that we could stay up way to late sorting candy and fighting about how many she could eat before bed.
But thats not in our deck of cards just yet.
So I am playing the hand i've got.
Please dont hink i exclude her from the holiday entierly . Like everything else I adapt it to her abilities. Sophia WILL dress up for her halloween day at school where she doesnt need layers . We might even take her to the mall trick-or-treating where she can take in all the sites and rock her costume warmly. She helped supervise the spooky decorating in the yard and she will be the offical candy hander-outer at our place this year, where I will sit on the stairs so that other special children don't need to be parked away from the interaction.
I will include non food items in my candy bowl on the off chance that someone braver then I brings their sensitve child out. Like everything else I am trying my best to find a way to fit sophia into something that is just not designed for her comfort. Its hard for me to not be able to celebrate MY traditions with her . But its pretty cool to be able to start new ones . This year we will be finger painting our pumpkins too. Maybe halloween wont always suck for us . Hopefully her imporved social skills will branch over to include increased tolerance of unusal circumstances . But until then I have decided to be the change I want to see. If you are wondering how you can help children like sophia who may be struggling on a night when so many are celbrating, here how you can :
-Include some non candy items in your basket . Many people have allergies and some kids dont eat oraly .
-Hold judgmental comments about kids being quiet or not saying trick or treat right. speech issues are common in kids.
-Come down to meet chldren who seem nervous or unable to come up to your door.
-Dont make comments about lack of costumes : Some moms braver then I just make the choice to avoid the argument and go out without them.
-Dont comment on big children being in the mix. IF sophia ever wants to trick or treat shes going. I dont care if shes 18 and just learned to walk. You never know how long or hard they have worked to be able to participate. Dont ruin it for them and their family because you dont realize that not everyone with disabilities rides in a chair.
Most of all just be understanding towards others. Remember its everyones holiday and not everyone CAN celebrate like you do.
That doesnt make them wrong.
Thank you all so much for reading !
Do you have a suggestion on how we can make halloween a more inclusive holiday for everyone of all abilities??
Post them below !
