13 inches to my heart

Recently Sophia has learned to do something.

This is something I never ever imagined would happen. It was something that I secretly didn't like to watch other kids do, because it was a reminder of my own lacking.

I didn't tell anyone outside my immediate family about it , there was no excited Facebook post proclaiming her new ability. (even a broken clock is right twice a day. )

I was afraid it was just chance or luck the first time it happened. There are certain things i have just accepted as truth because well its just easier then holding out hope in some areas...

but much to my utter amazement it continues !

I bet your asking yourself what did she do.... ?!

the answer may seem rather simple to you...... She reached for me. thats it.

You know how at about 7-9 months maybe even before that , kids start to reach up for their moms?whenever mom approaches they look up , smile and reach out their arms?

Well its something sophia never did. It never emerged, much like all of her other milestones it was severely delayed.I'm still not sure if or what milestones she will hit or when.

So when anything new happens, its HUGE for us.

It shows that her brain is growing , she is making connections, she is learning. New skills are the only goalposts i have to gauge her on. Its like a ray of hope sent from above. Another dose of mommy motivation for me to keep at it. To continue working her body through the motions everyday. To keep putting her in her adaptive equipment. Not to give up or give in. Its black and white proof that what i am doing everyday matters.

Its my validation..

It literally melts me, breaks my heart in the best way.Fills me with pride . She makes me feel like the luckiest one on the planet. She does it for her father too (usually when she wants to be saved from me).

She has Sensory Processing Disorder, meaning that lights, sounds, noises, textures, and certain environments can be extremely overwhelming for sophia. So as a small baby she didn't reach out for anything.. AT ALL. not toys, not her bottle, not us.. nothing. it was heart breaking to watch and realize.. that your child is literally afraid of everything....and it pissed me off , like most other things about her condition.. I resented it so severely. To this day we still have mountains worth of work to do in the SPD department. BUT i will say she is interacting with her bottle a bit, Plays with a very specific set of stuffed toys and blankets and now i can proudly say SHE REACHES FOR US TOO !!!

She's doing it, She's winning this fight. I don't know how she is beating the odds, but my god she IS..

I just can't tell everyone how proud I am to be able to say this. Its so easy to sit in your my misery, to believe whole hardly that the sky is always on its way down.

But thank god for this little girl.

She is they only person in my life that can't speak with words, yet she always knows exactly how to get the right message to my soul. She always knows the exact moment i need some hope or a sign the most.

Never have I ever doubted that she was meant to be mine. Our connection is so strong that I swear I have loved her before, over the course of a thousand lifetimes. Like she has always been mine.

Some people can go their entire existence and not feel 1/10th of the love that sophia shows me. She gives me everything without even knowing she's doing it. I am so blessed to be allowd such pure love. When she looks up at me and in that split second realizes its me. She smiles a huge open mouth smile. kicks her legs wildly. and then it happens..

She extends her two small arms reaches about thirteen beautiful inches straight to my heart .