5 things I learned from preschool at 27.

Last Thursday was sophias last day of preschool in the three year old classroom. It was the completion of her first real start to finish year of school without me by her side everyday. We had a rocky transistion from birth to three home services to public school and it was something sophias father and I went back and forth about a lot because we werent really sure she would benifit from that kind of exposure this early.

Boy were we wrong.

Way wrong.

At twenty seven I like to think I know my stuff. I Graduated high school six months ahead of my class and have been to and two secondary education programs (where I held a 3.95 or higher GPA) and i've worked for some pretty prestegois places, but I still found myself in awe of how much I learned from sophias preschool class .

Her graduation had me so emotional and proud that I was suprised by my own reaction. Heres some of the things I realized were taught to ME over this school year. Many of them things I would have said I understood last august. But I now have a new apprecation for.

Despite the fact that I was not actually in the classroom and despite the fact that I am twenty four years older then the other students I felt like I took as much away from that class as the other kids did. If not more.

Heres what I learned from preschool:

1. Communication is key:

There are so many scary and downright enfuriating videos and stories out there of hanious people doing aweful and hurtful things to babies, kids, students in places that they should be safe. So its pretty easy as a parent to freak out over leaving your child in the care of strangers in any setting .

This is not just a SN thing. ALL parents experience anxiety over leaving their child. But when your child is unable to speak, it adds a very large layer of added hesitation to any situation in which you need to leave your child alone with others.

It requires an extra measure of trust and comunication between parent and caregivers in order to help said child succeed. Because of this you can either grow very close to your team or have a very hard time with them . As with every other relationship it comes down to communication. open and honest communication.

More then a few times I have looked like an emotionally unstable crazy lady in the precence of her teacher, aides and therapists. However they are all mothers too, when they arent hard at work they love just like I do. That kind of love is universal. They understand why I feel the way I do and the fact that I opened up to them the way I did let them know the things that are important to me. Let them get to know me better , and therefore understand sophia better. Because they knew my emotions her teacher and aides were able to understand what we wanted to get out of school for sophia and they went above and beyond to make sure she felt safe, loved, and celebrated at all times. They way they were able to make her comfortable in their class was nothing short of a miricle.

2. Sophia WANTS to be a part of her world:

This one wasnt as easy to pick up on a day to day basis. But looking back in reflectionof all the photos that were taken and all the videos I was sent. Sophia MOST DEFINITLY enjoys interacting with people.

When she gets the chance.

This one makes me emotional in both directions Im so happy to know that the kids and adults around sophia this year made her feel safe and valued enough that she was able to come out of her shell a little bit and show her personailty to interact with her world.

BUT on the other hand it makes me sad that she doesnt have that chance in everyday life. Sophia has a very small but very loyal little family that surrounds her with so much love. But its always the same faces and the same places. I wish more of her extended network of family and some of our old friends would just try to slow down a bit and figure out how to match sophias vibe so that she could experince that love and inclution all the time.

The fact that she now has people who are of no relation that are more qualified to babysit her then some people she shares blood with. Makes me sad. But I also have to remember that communication and oppertunity are what got us as far as we got at school, so I need to try better to carry these things into the corneres of our everyday life.

What is most important here is given the right conditions sophia does really WANT to connect with other poeople. Now we just need to work on making it happen closer to home.

3. People can still see ME , and I still matter.

Sometimes its almost like Im just an invisable vessel to get sophia to where she is going. that it. Nothing more. Honestly, Sometimes thats all I have the energy to be.

But there was something about having two and a half hours, four days a week, without sophia that made me realize how much I had been losing myself in my love and devotion to her.

At first I was anxious and lost without her. So I did what any lost puppy would do and sat right outside in the parking lot the entire time waiting for timmy to fall down a well so I could bust in and save the day. But timmy (aka sophia) never did need my rescuing...( only one time all year did I get called to come get her because she was having a bad day. )

Eventually I got up the stregth to go home and clean up the house in her absence and I was AMAZED by how much I could get done when I could actually focus on my tasks. After about a month of just coming home to clean I joined the gym and Its honestly been one of the best things ive done for my physical and emotional healh in YEARS. I go and channel all of my overprocessed and unchangeable frustrations into my workout and leave feeling so much more centered on my purpose. That kind of outlet is pretty essential to any SN parent. I was able to find it because of the encouragement I recived from her amazing teacher and aides. Everyday they would say something kind or tell me to enjoy my me time. ( Like I said they are all moms when they arent at work, they get it. )

Even though I know they are just doing their jobs. I also know that they dont get paid to be SO kind, SO encouraging, and SO observant . That all comes from them being an amazing group of women.

4. She will always be MY baby, But shes not a "baby" anymore.

This one is hard for me to admit outloud. But I seem to dramaticallu underestimate what sophia is capable of. Dont get me wrong I think she will be able to fufil a LOT of things I was told she will never do. But I seem to baby her quite a bit in comparisson to her Therapists and teacher. At first I saw it as them being insensitive to her. However over time i started to see her skills developing. I was told they would have her playing with toys and removing a barrier so she could see her ipad by the end of the year. I was all "psssshhhh, suuuure you will. Good luck"

I'll be damned if she isnt literally playing with, looking for, and interacing with her toys. AND, she also will pull a light blanket off of her ipad if its blocking her veiw of mickey mouse.

I have an uncontious reaction to shield her from things that make her uncomfortable. What i learned is sometimes, most times, discomfort breeds growth. I need to allow people to take her outside of her comfort zone. Growth never happens in comfort zones. I need to learn to trust professionals to do thier jobs sometimes. My immediate distrust of pretty much everyone. WILL genuinely hinder sophias progress if I dont make an effort to meet people half way.

The begginign of all this was sophia couldnt even be in the school building without watchng her ipad 100% of the time. By the end of the year sophia was successfully participating in her classroom, the music room, the libabry and the recess area all without any help from her ipad at all. I would have said you were bat shit crazy if they set that for a goal last september.

Shows you how much I underestimated both sophia and her team.

Ive never been so happy to be wrong.

5. Inclution and love are natural human reactions: Life beats it out of us.

I kid you not sophia s the MOST popular kid in her class. Go figure. lol.

I spent nights and nights awake nervous to the point of sickness about weather or not the other kids would try to interact with sophia or just ignore her or worse get annoyed by her outbursts and consistant lack of response to them.

But I was DEAD WRONG . Nothing and I mean NOTHING has come so close to healing parts of my broken heart as theese kids did. To say it was theraputic to me would be the understatement of a lifetime.

Carson. Gavin. Sienna. Leah. Caroline. Lilliah. (aka) Sophias Posse.

The first time sophia was in her walker in her classroom I heald my breath. (Kids have a knack for being brutally honest. So iwas waiting for someone to ask why she couldnt walk right, or why shes always drooling, or why she wont ook at them when they talk to her. )

"Oh thats so cool ! shes got a RACECAR!!" gavin exclaimed at the top of his lungs.

All the other kids crowded around her to see her cool racecar. In that moment my fears for her acceptance faded.

I had tears in my eyes and a smile in my heart.

Every day of the year i'd drop her off and everyone said hi from walking through the parking lot straight into her classroom where her friends would push eachother out of the way just for the chance to be the first one to say hello to her. They all would fight over who got to sit next to her at circle and who got to walk with her in the hallways.

Honestly what touched me the most of everything was the way they would rub her leg or her arm to show her affection. Apparently from the very beggining all the kids were trying to hold sophias hand.

( shes got tactile defensivness and doesnt like her palms being touched)

So sophia would always pull away an the kids were frustrated that they couldnt hold her hands. Rather then write her off they wanted to learn how to interact with her. So her 1:1 aide explained to them that sophia likes a little rub on her thigh or her forearm instead of holding hands. Without a SINGLE why ... evey last one of them caught on and would just walk up and rub her affectionatly on her leg or arm. Having complete respect for her boundries without ever questioning why she was diffent then them. They would do it when she was stressed out or angry without fail like as if even in heir little hearts they could sence her need for reassurance. Why arent adults that ituative?!

I cannot appropriatly put into words the ways that this school year has changed my outlook on sophias life. But I can say that in September theese nine incredible women and theese twelve simply amazing kids were just short of total strangers to me.

and in June when all was said and done twenty one strangers healed a part of me that I never even had to tell them was broken. They made me a very very very special scrapbook full of pictures of sophia having fun with her peers over the year. It is one of my most prized possetions. Its physical proof that sophia enjoyed the time we invested in Pre-K3. Its proof that all of the worrying and planning was well worth it.

A speacial thank you so much to mrs. webber who spent her last of her 40 plus years teaching with my daughter. The enviornment you cultivated in that room was simply incredible and I consider myself very very lucky to have been able to start sophias educational journey with you and your amazing paras.

I learned how to have hope again in a preschool class for three year olds.

Ive never been so proud of learning anyhting in my whole life.